How To Be Alone

How do you cut off a friend who's holding you back? A question i ask myself but seem to carry out on a daily basis. Like snow flakes in a breeze i watch them drift away one by one. The breeze is me though as I ignore texts and calls and slowly isolate myself. I hate this, I hate me, I'm becoming the type of person i despise, im becoming disloyal, the word brings distaste to my mouth and fills me with shame. I wanted to make changes for the better in my life but I didn't realize the price I would have to pay. Breaking bonds with those closest to me because they were holding me back. But here I find myself a faceless coward and deserter. I am leaving those who I care about so much to save myself. If only I weren't weak and pathetic I could shoulder the weight of my friends and make them better with me. Again I fail them though. And as I do the proverbial right thing and cut them off I don't feel better, infact I don't feel anything except alone. So is this the better me? Stripped of my principles, stripped of my self dignity. Does my end justify my means? In trying to become better I fear I have only become worse. Now I stare at this face in the mirror and strain to remember its faintly familiar figure but I don't know who the reflection is...

Restless

Alone and restless at night. It forces you to ponder all the mistakes you've made that day. And then robs you of sleep to ensure you make more tomorrow. It conjures up images of You, but then refuses to allow the dreams to come. I drink these times in gladly though so I appreciate, so I don't foresake the restless nights alone...with You.

A Mess

I'm dangerous, spontaneous, haphazard, crazy, wreckless, a mess... and happy. Because I know you understand this, and love me anyways.

Love
       -Your Downfall-

Lost In The Sky

What if the sky were the gateway to your soul. What if i could look up and see the glint of your eyes in the stars, the glow of your smile in the moon, and your long hair in the milkyway. I could be anywhere in the world and see you. Just look at the sky and see you.

Patience

One day at a time,
One step at a time,
One thought at a time.
It feels as though im a young child or an infirmed elderly. I wish to run but, i can only crawl. I wish to know but, I am left contemplating. I wish to rise but, I must kneel. Each day fighting against my nature. And each day I see my life course being adjusted meticulously by the actions I take. I have goals now, I have a focus now, but they can not be reached quickly or easily. Instead they require me to crawl, so I can fight against the current. They require me to contemplate, so I can act wisely. They require me to kneel, so I can receive guidance. So that one day I can achieve these goals and serve my focus. And I will do it...
One day at a time,
One step at a time,
One thought at a time.

Love Correctly

To love correctly you must believe totally.
To believe totally you must trust completely.
To trust completely you must have  faith.
To have faith you must love correctly.

Your Voice

I wait for you to wake, just to hear your voice again. I would hear you speak before I take my first breath. And hear you speak last before my eyes close. Every word from your lips gives life to my soul and strength to my form. With your command you give me purpose, for absent your voice I am lost. Deprive me no longer your sweet call. See me brought back to purpose with but one word. A word that only you know.