Distraction For Your Life

I wouldn't call this a life. In fact what I'm doing is distracting myself from the fact mine fell apart. I distract from the pain that burns of how much I still love you. Nothing I do carries importance anymore. Every party, every drink, every thrill a desperate attempt to forget, an attempt to escape. But I have no passion, no feeling, no heart behind what I do, just me trying to cloud my thoughts. I walk the line always on the edge of everything so I can get my next adrenalin rush. Regularly pushing my body to its limit because the physical pain feels preferable. I can only side step life for so long though...eventually I run out of distractions and then it all comes creeping back into my mind and that's when I'm afraid the most.

I still miss you
                       love ________

Tragedy Of A Dream

You only come to me in my dreams. Each time more beautiful then the last. I dream of holding you tightly and sleeping in your arms again. For a moment all is right and my world restored to balance. But then I'm ripped away. Consciousness tears me from your arms, oh how I long to stay even just a moment longer. The tragic agony of reality sets in and topples my world around me. But I labor through my day knowing that soon my eyes will close once again and we will be together... and maybe this time it will be forever

I love you

Bleak Future

I'm scared of being alone but there's some strange allure about it. As if deep down I know its going to happen. As if deep down I know its what I really want

I Am A Slave

Im suppose to lead my body as a slave, but instead I am a slave to my body. Every time I give into my desires I feel myself slipping farther into the abyss of despair. I strive to show discipline and self sacrifice but instead my hands are lazy and selfish. I have become like those I hate, hypocrites who speak good things but then prove false through their actions. I deserve whats coming... I want whats coming. Everyday I eagerly wait praying for tidal waves of fire to wash us all away.


(1 Corinthians 9:27) . . .but I pummel my body and lead it as a slave, that, after I have preached to others, I myself should not become disapproved somehow.

Nonfatal

A bleeding heart is the worst kind of wound, because it never bleeds out.

Chaos Theory

There's a chaos theory in my mind. A mind that's ablaze with confusion of meaningless thoughts. Words, feelings, desires are all disregarded here. With each day my heart grows unresponsive, numb to the inconsistencies of emotion in my head because hearts do not adapt. When pushed they stop working to preserve you alive until there is nothing left to save. So here I am lost in obscurity waiting to die I suppose. And the only thing I know is this... Nothing heard is true, except everything said is a lie.

My Strength

I see how strong you have become and see how much stronger you make me. My strength my power all comes from you and your love is its source. I need you more than anything, I love you more than anything