Saturday, March 3, 2012

How To Be Alone

How do you cut off a friend who's holding you back? A question i ask myself but seem to carry out on a daily basis. Like snow flakes in a breeze i watch them drift away one by one. The breeze is me though as I ignore texts and calls and slowly isolate myself. I hate this, I hate me, I'm becoming the type of person i despise, im becoming disloyal, the word brings distaste to my mouth and fills me with shame. I wanted to make changes for the better in my life but I didn't realize the price I would have to pay. Breaking bonds with those closest to me because they were holding me back. But here I find myself a faceless coward and deserter. I am leaving those who I care about so much to save myself. If only I weren't weak and pathetic I could shoulder the weight of my friends and make them better with me. Again I fail them though. And as I do the proverbial right thing and cut them off I don't feel better, infact I don't feel anything except alone. So is this the better me? Stripped of my principles, stripped of my self dignity. Does my end justify my means? In trying to become better I fear I have only become worse. Now I stare at this face in the mirror and strain to remember its faintly familiar figure but I don't know who the reflection is...

1 comment:

  1. Dont be so hard on yourself, your just trying to be loyal to Jehovah