Tuesday, December 29, 2009

In Your Eyes

Staring at myself in the mirror I look for what I see in your eyes. Love, happiness, hope, I can see my future in your eyes. But I don't see these things in my own eyes. Maybe thats why you left... because you didn't see them either

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Im so afraid to let go you. But I cant let go of something I never had

Thursday, December 24, 2009

So I decided to take some "me" time today. I grabbed a few things, tossed them in my backpack, and walked off into the woods aimlessly. It was nice getting away from everything... well except my thoughts. Even out there miles away from anyone I still find myself thinking about the same problems. Although out there at least its easier to focus on them one at a time. I don't know if I solved anything but just being able to think about them with a clear head was nice. Nature has a certain energy about it im convinced because I always feel recharged after. Its almost as if there's an interchange of positive and negative energy. I think im going to go for more hikes like this

Monday, December 21, 2009

Pain Fills Where Love Once Was

How could I ever replace you? How do I fill the void your love left behind? It seems as though im left with only pain. Like little grains of sand it slowly fills the space your love once was. Sometimes I wish it would bury me to...

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Forgive me the way i wont

No one understands how special she is
The way I do
No one understands how different she is
The way I do
No one sees her smile
The way I do
No one sees her cry
The way I do
No one loves her more
The way I do
No ones hurt her more
The way I have...
And now my heart bleeds because no one feels regret
The way I do

My air

You are what I breath. When you leave you might as well take the air with you...it will be useless to me

Monday, December 14, 2009

Your Slipping Away

Its already starting to feel like your slipping away. With each passing day it gets closer and I cant deny it any longer. It feels as though im being dragged towards it kicking and screaming. Maybe not knowing would have been better, ignorance is bliss right? It could have been quick and painless instead of agonizingly drawn out. But I would have hated you for that. It would have been time stolen from me. It would have been pain stolen from me. And it would have been you stolen from me. Regardless of how much something hurts I believe its better to let something go then to have it taken away. And at a time in my life when so many things have been taken from me I refuse to let you be one of them. So I'm saying goodbye instead

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Little Faces

There is something special about little kids. Everything to them and about them is transparent. Things are either yes or no, happy or sad, good or bad and their emotions are always genuine. To them I'm amazing, I can be a buddy, a hero, and a source of comfort all in the same day. But above all else we could do for them is the love they give us in return. Kids truly add purpose to life and serve as reminders to us of how we should all be.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Big Bang

When you leave I know what will happen. The sun will explode, earth will be vaporized, the solar system will be erased, the galaxy will come undone, the universe will be sucked into a black hole, and everything will be reduced into dark matter. So how's it feel to play god?

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Little Reasons

To explain all the little reasons why i love you would be a daunting task. I know for every reason I would give there would be ten I had forgotten. But maybe that's just part of loving someone. Everyday Im with you Im reminded of these little reasons why I love you. And little reasons add up...

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

No faith for man

We can have faith in so many things like country, government, science, and God. In things seen and in things unseen. So then why is it so hard to have faith in one another?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Am I Your Mistake?

When you wake up in the morning
When you've had time to think
When you've gone away
I just don't want you to see me as another regret

Friday, December 4, 2009

See Not With The Eye

God doesn't see like man sees. God reads the heart. But if he reads mine I'll apologize for the mess, because only he can see my scars

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Hearts Lullaby

Im tired and I want to fall asleep. So I think about the sound as your heart beats. With my head pressed against your chest, your heart tells me I can rest. But when your gone how will I sleep. Worrying that your heart might miss a beat

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Never Lost

Dont feel lost. Your never lost until you choose to be. Instead be found in the truly meaningful things in life. But if all else fails I'll be there to find you

Monday, November 30, 2009

Conserve and Recycle Life

They tell us to "go green", to conserve, to recycle. If only they viewed human life that way. Maybe if people were oil they'd care. Instead were just another renewable resource...

Friday, November 27, 2009

Everythings Backwords

Its strange how sometimes its harder to give in than it is to fight. Or how its harder to let go than it is to hold on. Worse of all is love. Its so easy to fall into but yet seemingly impossible to forget. I want to give in and just let go, I want to forget...

Monday, November 23, 2009

Dangers from within

"The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate.”-Jer17:9

If the heart is treacherous who can know it? Certainly not I or any mere human. I find it tragically ironic that the things most dangerous to us most often come from within.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Where are you looking?

When your always looking down its easy to get lost in the mundane
But adventure and change are only an upward glance away

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Lost Letters

Can I write you this letter you wont read?
Can I show you my feelings you don't feel?
Can I say I love you if you don't love me?
It seems as though I'm caught in this cycle that I cant stop
Loving you only hurts me but here I am
Writing you a letter you'll never read...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Real Love

You scream I hate you,
and I whisper I love you
You smash our dreams,
and I pick up the pieces
You say you want to leave,
and I say you can always come home
But its ok,
thats what love is

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Tell Me In Silence

Words cant show the way someone feels. Words only confuse the obvious and betray emotions. If only I could hold you again then my feelings would scream from my chest and into your heart. With piercing silence I could say it all... but that cant be. I'll never hold you again and I'll forever find myself lost in the noise of meaningless words...

Monday, November 2, 2009

Gift From You

Loves not a skill that we can learn to control. Its not a trait we can build and always keep with us, moving it from one person to the next. Love enters and exits our life at its own discretion. At times the agony of heartbreak overcomes me, but then I remind myself what a gift the feeling of love is. And that when I love... I love because of you

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

How It Feels

You dont know what it feels like to tell someone you love them, and they wont say it back. You dont know what it feels like to look into the eyes of someone you knew, and feel like a stranger. What waking up alone feels like when you just held them in your dreams. To chastise ones self for everything I could have done different. I wish you knew what it feels like. What seeing someone you love in the arms of another feels like. But of course I could never wish that on you. Because through all the pain I remember what it feels like to be with you. And that feels more real than anything...

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Love Scent

Today i found a shirt that still smells like you. I haven't seen you in ages but the scent grips my senses and images of you flash through my mind. I don't know how long I stood there drinking you in but after I put the shirt back in my closest... I couldn't bring myself to wash it.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

With You Forever

I have many desires in life. Many wants, many goals, many dreams. But none greater than this... That I should wake up next to you tomorrow and everyday after that for the rest of my life.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Your The One

I know you are the One. Even as your reading this you know you are the One. You can try to deny it, try to fight it, try to move on but its buried too deep. Beneath all your words, beneath all your thoughts, beneath all your emotions I haunt you. I bet you wish you never let me in, wish you could reason me away, wish you could justify my absence, but you cant. Being the One is all you could ever wish for and all you could ever fear...

Friday, October 9, 2009

Nothing Happened

You always tell me to smile and dont worry as if nothing ever happened. Well thats easy for you to say when your the one moving on. Maybe to you nothing did happen. Maybe I am nothing to you. But I will always be the brave one, because I live with the nothing everyday.

Dying Heart

Its hard to describe what a broken heart feels like. Its hard to explain what a broken heart wants. Maybe its just one of those things, those things you have to experience. A broken heart makes it hard to breath. A broken heart makes it hard to sleep. A broken heart fills your stomach with pains. A broken heart reminds you your not ok. A broken heart makes you want to die, because a broken heart is dying. It just takes its time convincing you...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Words In Your Heart

I swear I knew everything I wanted to say. I wrote it down in lists and rehearsed it over and over again in my mind. But here we are face to face and again my mind draws a blank. Its as if you reach inside my head erasing all my thoughts. So this time I'll just speak from my heart because it never lets me forget.

I Know Im Wrong

How come when i do something wrong i know, but when i do something right i dont? Funny how life works that way

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Loves Light

I try not to love the world or the things in the world, for all these things are soon to pass. Still I find myself forever in love with you, as though caught in a battle with no lines. Maybe its because I see the light in you. A light shining as a lamp in this dark world. Maybe your not really part of this world but, my way out

Hanging On A Breath

Sometimes I think the sun rises in your eyes. Its as if the world hangs on your every breath and rocks with every beat of your heart. And in truth maybe it does, because you are my world

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Perfect killer

Spartans are suppose to be calm, cool and collected. Strong and confident always prepared for a fight. Still I was broken and brought to my knees, fatally struck in the heart. She was just a fair skinned Irish girl with dark hair and blue eyes. Sometimes I wonder if this was her plan all along, kind, unsure, and needy all just an act. Maybe she was the real Spartan all along

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Forever Mine

I guess I should be grateful for the time we had together. For all the firsts times and last times we had. Holding hands, kisses, long embraces, laughter, and even crying. Just talking and telling you anything and everything. I should be grateful but I'm not. Call me greedy, selfish, and ungrateful but I won't care. I want you and only you...Nothing short of forever will do.

I love you

You Scream I Scream

You make me want to scream...
Scream how I hate you
Scream I think I hate you
Scream I want to hate you
Scream I need to hate you
But screaming doesnt help
I still don't hate you
I only hate myself
People scream before they die
Maybe that's why I scream

Perfection in Death

What do you do when emotions are meaningless? How can one be mad at everything and yet mad at nothing? How can someone feel betrayed yet forgiving? How can they feel love, but be lonely? How can a person hate himself? Emotions are meaningless. Their a trait that dies in me a little each day. Maybe death isnt the end its just us reaching perfection... perfectly devoid of all feelings.

I want to be perfect

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Love Conquers

Have faith that at times I will fail
that I'll be wrong
that I'll make you cry
that you'll hate me
but above all else
Have faith in OUR love

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


The world has always been a big place before you and after you. When i was with you though I always felt like i had a place. Now your gone and I walk around as a vagrant in this cold world. Please bring me home again...

Heart of soul

If i die before i wake id pray the lord my soul to take. For what good is my soul without my heart? As you see me now I am in want of heart, I am living but not living I merely exist. So every night i repeat this prayer, I pray the lord my soul to take, I pray the lord my soul to take...

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The heart speaks

You let me in and I broke your heart. Now you guard it with high stone walls. But when all is quiet and still i can hear the beat of your heart. And guess what? It still says my name...

Dont leave things up to "fate"

I dont believe in fate. To me fate is the fairy tail explanation people give when something happens that they feel was out of their control. In a way i think the belief in fate handicaps people from reaching their true potential. Truth is we are all just victims of random chance as unfortunate as that may be. I believe Ecclesiastes 9:11 puts it best where it simply says in part "...time and unforeseen occurrence befall them all". Now this is not to say I do not believe in God and his purpose set out in the bible, (Matt6:9) but at this time we are not living in Gods kingdom yet and until then this is how things are. However this fact does not necessarily have to be a negative influence though. If more people would own up to the fact that there is no such thing as "fate", i think it would motivate more people to go out and take control of their own lives. Honestly sometimes things don't always pan out the way we would like, but rather than give up and blame it on fate why not keep striving for your goals? I believe we can each make our own fate through perseverance and commitment. I believe fate is what you make it. And if you want to be truly happy in life you cant leave things up to chance, you need to step up and leave NOTHING to chance.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Eternal Dream

Some people dream of their lives years from now. Some dream of their lives years ago. Each day a new day with different dreams to form. I just dream that one day i wont wake up...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Your body

I love your body more than words can show. I love your body with or without cloths. With watery blue eyes always on the verge of tears they beg to me "please give in". Your lips taste sweet and never bitter. Your tongue numbs all feelings as it massages my neak. When i close my eyes i see your every bend and curve, every perfect part ive yet to explore. From the small of your sloping back to the hills of your womanly hips and last but not least between your silky thighs with my lips. Its because of you i know god exists... for who else could create a beauty such as this?

Season of Love

I woke up thinking about you again. I can even still taste you in the morning air. Your name always on the tip of my tongue. Your warmth always holding me in the morning sun. But now the seasons of love have changed. I only hear "i miss yous" in the passing rain. Please come back season that i love. Every morning i'll think of you... wishing you would come

Read Life

Why do people read what they could live instead? Maybe its to avoid the reason Im lying here wishing I was dead. Still I turn the pages in this book called life, because its a never ending story... with a very good plot

Silence is Violence

Silence is violence
let me stab you with a stare
Silence is violence
let me rip you with a glare
Silence is violence
as i watch you bleed scared
Silence is violence
as i bury you with a prayer
Now nothing is silent
Because my mind screams your not there

Die Unnoticed

If you fear dying... then die a Hero. Dieing a hero is just another way of saying your afraid to die alone. I say be brave and die unnoticed

Lonely among Masses

When you want to feel alone go to a crowded place and scream. If anyone asks tell them I sent you

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Be content with happiness

You can not control a lot of things in life. One thing we can control though is our current state of happiness with where we are in life. I firmly believe goals and ambitions are valuable traits. However take time to truly appreciate where you are in life right now other wise you'll always be discontent. And worse you may miss the beautiful things right in front of you. Sadly i choose to learn this the hard way

When Anxiety ATTACKS

MY chest sinks in and my breath draws short. Here it is this FEELING that i cant UNDERSTAND. INVISIBLE hands pull me down and hold me under. i cant FIGHT back or make it go away. It comes IN when it wants and leaves only after im broken. I'm above all this its just in MY HEAD, but NOTHING in my head FEELS this REAL

Choose to Remember

Through good times and bad. Through fond memories often lost and painful ones recalled. I choose to remember them all because Love is not forgotten

LOVE Does Not

They say LOVE bears all things
but you bore them on your own

They say LOVE believes all things
but you believed only in failure

They say LOVE hopes all things
but you hoped in someone else

They say LOVE endures all things
but here i am enduring all alone

LOVE never fails they say... well THEY were wrong